I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
