You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
