I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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