This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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