Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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