new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize