PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
