I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
