I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize