He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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