Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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