how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
