this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize