rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
