you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
