If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
