this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
