College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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