just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
