I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
