giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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