we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
