It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
