i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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