why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
