I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
