i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
