Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
