Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
