girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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