his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
