i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
