i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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