Someone shit on the floor
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
