if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
