walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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