Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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