I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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