And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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