i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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