what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
