I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
