ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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