i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
