its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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