I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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