I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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