I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
