It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
