the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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