Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
