I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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