i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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