I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
