How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
