Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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