I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
