Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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