I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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