There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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