We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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