i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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