you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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