I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
