Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
