Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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