he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
