It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
